A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A Few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really Incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.
So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick
your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

A young man was deciding on what to buy as a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday. After much consideration, he decided a
pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister bought herself a pair of panties. During the wrapping, the clerk accidentally mixed up the items. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly dirty. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really good. I wish I was there
to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love, Jim."
"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

OOOOOOOOPS

Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at Your Desk -

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time
management course you sent me to!"

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here
just in time."

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related
stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to
handle that big accounting problem."

3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put
your ear down real close?"

2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"

AND THE NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk........

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen." (then sign of the cross)

If only I could tell you what I wanted to say.

This book combines a diary of a girl together with a sequel after the diary ends. No spoilers, read on.
Storyline: Valerie

Rebecca was an average girl at first

A boy called Joshua confessed his love towards her

as this was the first incident of this kind that had happened to her, she struggled a lot and was scared and unsure of what to do

Started to like Joshua but was still scared as this was her first relationship and was worried her parents might object since she was told many times not to have boy-girl relationships

Relationship develops

Mum suddenly passed away

Rebecca needed someone to console her and no one in her family could help as they were overwhelmed with grief too

Mrs Toh, her form teacher told the class and after knowing about it, her friends and Joshua consoled her

Joshua sent her a card and spent time with her, making her feel much better

Turning Point: Rebecca started to have the perception that boys/male company was better than her friends’ and started becoming boy-crazy and obsessed with love to escape her sorrow

Rebecca confesses her love to Joshua

In the following days, she starts talking about dates and obsesses with her relationship with Joshua by having long talks with him over the phone, writing letters to him and going on many dates

This affects her family time, relationships with friends and her studies

Rebecca also starts bragging to her friends about her relationship with Joshua, even though some of her friends do have boyfriends too. This makes them feel annoyed.

Rebecca felt that Joshua didn’t give her much attention so started to flirt and hang out with other boys because she yearns for attention

Rebecca thinks that there is no use hanging out with girls and so deserts her friends

Joshua, hurt, decided to dump her by writing her a letter showing his disappointment and sadness and also a poem. He is not really angry with her and only expects an apology. However, Rebecca misunderstands and think’s he is very horrible for just dumping her like that.

Rebecca is at first sad, then angry, and then desperate as she tries to find another such boyfriend to fill the empty space in her heart

Starts going overboard and flirting with many guys. In trying to show she is cool and has a great influence, she gossips and teases Kim, a fat girl in class. She also demands money from her Dad to buy clothes and make-up so she will look attractive when she goes out shopping or goes for dates.

Rebecca also starts skipping her tuition which she had regularly attended before

Rebecca moves on from single boys in class to her friends’ and classmates’ boyfriends

Her friends and classmates start to hate her now

Next, Rebecca focuses on the hottest guy in class which was Mark, Sherlyn’s boyfriend.

Mark is very much attracted to Rebecca and dumps Sherlyn for her.

Sherlyn is extremely angry and so she and her friends are mean to Rebecca and try to break Mark and Rebecca’s relationship up. HOW: creating misunderstandings, conflicts

After breaking up, all the boys left her when they found out she was boy-crazy, her friends deserted her, her family were not on good terms with her (siblings didn’t like her, father did not talk to her as he was angry over her skipping tuition and taking money from him)

Rebecca is at a total loss and starts having suicidal thoughts (thinks about her Mum and of joining her in heaven)

Rebecca also became reclusive and did not mix around with anybody

On the day she wants to commit suicide, no one else but the fat girl went to help her and console her. This made Rebecca feel guilty for treating the fat girl badly before, and she realised that the people around her mattered most and also realised she must stop being so bad.

Last post: On her birthday, she decides she is going to change for the better.

Character List

Rebecca Sim
Main character and author of diary entries
15 years old, studies in a co-ed school
Average physical appearance
At first: good character, kind, obedient
After: became boy-crazy, annoying, proud, arrogant, judgmental

Joshua
Rebecca’s first boyfriend
In same class as Rebecca
Reasonably good looks
Quiet, mature, sincere, caring, good in studies
Serious in relationship with Rebecca

Others
Father: Mr. Sim
Siblings: Anna and Daniel
Rebecca’s Friends: Lisa, Amanda, Xue Ming, Hannah
Sherlyn’s Friends: Charmaine, Jeraldyn, Yu Ting
Boys in class: Jonathon, Mark, Kevin, Guo Hui
Fat Girl: Kim
Teachers: Mrs. Toh (form teacher), Madam Rosanne (subject teacher)
Tuition Teachers: Mr. Goh, Miss Ng, Mrs Lim

Workload:

Valerie and Kay Yi

Edit OR delete some irrelevant posts
Do character list
Do story outline
Write our own advice to teens

Valerie
Research: poetry of famous poets
Writing of book
Include some short posts written by her friends and family members after her suicide

Kay Yi
Research: articles on how to deal with emotions and emotional stress and just plain stress
Research: articles by researchers on emotional stress
Research: pictures for the book and entry posts
Research: articles on the after-effects of suicides

Isaac
Completion of Website
Compiling of information


I'M SO GOING TO KILL YOU FOR WRITING THIS, JUNIOR !!

THIS SKIN TOTALLY SUITS ME. ITS LIKE! CUSTOM MADE =)

National Day Preview was really interesting. This post is written by Joshua ( simulated ). The experience of watching the shows put up by the various groups of the public, were relatively less effective than last years, in which the previous years performances were of much better standard than sleeping pills, never failing to put me to sleep after the eagerly anticipated 21 gun salute and the march past. This years Red Devils were really cool and the flying performances were equally entralling, managing to keep my neck at an awful 180 degrees trying to have a full view of those foolhardy parachute men who have faulty shoes in which red steam stem out from, polluting the environment. =) Just kidding. The F-16s pilots had probably taken a box or two of headache panadols, before they embarked on their sprialling and twising stunts to impress the audience, who as usual were twisting their necks at unhealthy angles of between 180 degrees to 270 degrees :D. The commentator was so entralling I felt like an F-16 pilot myself with him on board my plane, and that I would not hesitate in throwing that chatterbox off my plane so that he could find another job as a geographer, desribing beautiful mother earth from an appetising height of 1000m, before crashing down to reality and contributing to NTUC's latest brand of raspberry jam. Anyone for the Navy? A seemingly harmless barge ROARED into life at the end of the preview(simulated), firing pyrotechnic rounds into the air, like German 81mm mortars making a stand at Stalingrad against the Red Army, I was so fascinated I didn't know what to see, the beautiful fireworks popping up in the air, or the active barge who was acting like a spolit brat belching his breakfast,lunch and dinner of the past two weeks out at us. Overall, it was a really nice performance, but there was quite a number of screwups which were, obvious enough that even a half blind old man sitting 400m away could spot merrily and laugh about it. I saw a girl try unsucessfully to clamber like a bear on her male partner's back, before sliding down like a Kolar Bear on a bamboo stick. =) Poor thing. The stimulated arrivals of the Lee&Lee made the audience laugh, with two poor soldiers having to carry a signpost which represented the MPs. I bet they would never have the chance again to carry the whole of Singapore's parliment in one hand, later some PAP cadre sue them for indecent touching. But of course, the view was much nicer than at the National Stadium, with Singapore's magnificent INTEGRATED RESORT for our full consumption!! ( Under construction). Haha it I could imagine the beautiful hotels, the numerous tourists, and the moneygobbling Casino, but with a loud "CLASHBANG" I was jolted from cloud nine, to see a full array of construction vehicles and foreign talent from India and bangladesh, working to build a building in which people could go throw money at. haha I don't see the point of gambling. Those gamblers must be like me, fail math so they can't calculate odds. Want to lose money then give me, at least I MIGHT smile back when you give me $9456847564985746. Unlike the roulette table which would just give you more cards and numbers, with the robotic face of the casino machines enticing you with clinkclink of their metallic credits. =)

Okay, its time for the supernerd to go mug